Welcome to the Firefox suckfest!


Updated: December 9, 2013

The longest suckfest party ever held in the history of computing is the one sponsored by Mozilla. Starting with Firefox 4, when Mozilla realized that being Chrome-like is more important than giving users what they want, it continues to this day. The once beautiful and fun browser is becoming more and more a clone of the Google product, carefully spiced with an extra dose of suck, just in case you missed the subtle message these past two years.

What really made me write this article was the change in the search functionality starting with Firefox 25 or such, when the perfectly sane, large, comfortable and globally available search box was replaced with a small, shitty per-tab inferior alternative. Great job. Now, it's my time to rant.

Searching like a champ

Or rather, like a chimp. In the olden days, you would Ctrl + F and open a search box that would persist between tabs. Then, people of interest, the powers that be behind Mozilla decided that this was not good enough for some weird reason. Now, if you want to search for information across multiple tabs, you need to invoke the search functionality in each one of them separately. Extra clicks, keyboard strokes, extra shit. Then, the size of the search box has also changed. It's smaller, less accessible, less ergonomic, and more flavored with brown stuff called feces.

New search sucks

How to fix this crap

Well, let's be practical. The first you want to do is install an extension that fixes the behavior to the old one. A search box that is globally available. In my case, this brings the total count of extensions I was forced to install just to retain the old, practical and sane functionality to five. That's right, five extensions in order to use Firefox like a normal human being and not some generic pseudo-moron that the Mozilla marketing team has come up with as their champion prototype in the polish-the-Chrome-pole competition.

The new extension introduces a new layout for the Prev and Next buttons, adds text and so forth. The only thing missing is the vertical height slash size, but I guess that will be fixed soon. In that regard, the following support thread is also interesting. If you feel like fiddling with some files and alike, go for it.

Global findbar

Now, back on topic

Now that we have fixed the Find bar functionality, and we can search for text like human beings again, let's go back to discussing the alarming trends in the Firefox evolution these past couple of years.

A bunch of slogan, buzzwords and concepts comes to mind. The first one is the so-called User Personalization, a pair of words almost as overused as the word Cloud. Whenever my dear eyes glimpse something like this, my sphincter automatically clenches, because I know something bad is about to happen. Not that you won't be able to use your browser any more. Not at all. You will just have a nice, padded, woolly filter applied, through which you will enjoy the shiny illusion of the world, the way advertisers want you to see it.

Sure, Mozilla loves its users, and can you blame them for changing its product over the course of a gentle decade so you don't suspect anything. Well, sure, yes you can, and you should. Of course, you don't count, because it's not you generating money for the company.

But if you ask me, I'm tired of everyone trying to wed the browser to my loins. It's just a tool, a piece of code. Nothing more. It's a portal for information available online. That's all. Don't sugarcoat it, don't try to personalize the world for me. Leave me be. I don't give a shit what you possibly envision you can do with your technology and how you can influence the average moron to your will. Or if you do, stop pretending to be the benevolent shiny knight defending my honor.

The second item on the menu is the so-called Australis interface. I'm not going to link to any articles about it, search for yourself and read all about oligophrenia at its finest. Anyhow, the most obvious change is that tabs are now rounded. Hmm. Can you think of any other browser that offers rounded tabs? Yes. It's called Google Chrome. How original. If you wonder how to undo this upcoming shit, here's a nice article explaining the way to avoid being lubelessly probed by Mozilla.

Tabs fade into background, now the user can know which tab is active, boo-hoo. I know which tab is active, you morons. I am reading it. That's how I know it's active. And if people are too confused to scan though their tabs, then they should probably be administered a quick lobotomy.

There are two ways about the world. Make it better. Or change it so that morons polluting it don't feel out of place. Apparently, the second one is more profitable, which is what Mozilla has been so nobly trying to do with its last two years of so-called innovation. Rapid release cycle for no good reason, random shitty changes that hurt productivity, a pathetic effort to mimic Google Chrome, blatant disregard of their own goodwill mantras, and so forth. All of it worth a fuckle, because the browser is nothing more than an interface to see Web pages. So, to sum it up, a few messages for Mozilla:

If I wanted to use Chrome, I would. It's called deductive reasoning, morons.

Personalization and corporate fascism are two sides of the same coin.

I don't want my browser to be cute, I'm cute enough.

I'm starting to hate you, because you ruined my browser.

The worst part, you don't have any good alternatives really. You used to have Firefox, the champion of the Web, and now you have Chrome and Chrome wannabe. Not much choice for the user, except to join the suckfest. Bring your own lipstick. Here's an image I never thought to use in association with Mozilla, but it's warranted:

Finger

Fear of change, not

Now, whenever you go against any one technological fact you do not like, morons worldwide will accuse you of being conservative and fearing change. Let's straighten this out.

First, a change in itself is neither good nor bad, so fearing it can be a legitimate response. For example, cancer is a change in a human health state, and it's hardly something you should embrace with glee. Accordingly, whenever there's a change in technology, or software, you should ask, what for. What kind of benefit does this bring you?

In this case, will Australis make you smarter, richer, more productive? No. Therefore, it is not a good change. And since it's going to alter the layout of your workspace, it might even hurt your productivity, therefore, it's a shitty change. Evolution has a good way of pruning shit from its course. Unfortunately, with humans, it's just the opposite. Every moron can procreate and every moron can click on their browser and pretend to be a master of the Internet.

Conservative, another stellar word. So, some of you may call me conservative. But take a look at what I've done recently in the technology space. I've purchased or tested no less than four different smartphones, including the latest S4 and Nokia 520, a Windows phone no less, which I liked, unlike the crappola called Windows 8. I also bought myself a brand new tablet and tested it for no less than six months before I decided what it can do. That's not conservatism. That's common sense, logic and efficiency. Conservatism is refusing to even consider the change. Rejecting it after thorough testing is called being smart. But morons cannot comprehend that.

Comparison with other phones

Not liking shit is a very good thing. And the last bunch of changes in Firefox is mostly shit. Pure hype, without any real value or merit. And it needs not be embraced just because it happened, for the same reason fascism needs not be embraced just because it happened.

Have I ever been wrong? Of course not. I am always right. Did I predict correctly the Firefox market shares when everyone was blabbering about its imminent death? Yes I did. Did I predict the failure called Windows 8 and family and orphans? Yes I did. Am I possibly the smartest person on this planet? Most likely. Alas, most people cannot even begin to grasp my vision, let alone my logic and thinking, so they will dismiss this article as a rant full of sharp words. But this is the harsh reality, and you can ignore it all you want, it doesn't change the fact that Mozilla is trying to do exactly what Google has done, under the pretense of good will. Fuck that.

Conclusion

The future for people with IQ > 100 is not bright, I'm afraid. Very few people can resist the temptation of money, and apparently, the Mozilla team is not among them. Noble mottoes aside, the browser that rose to challenge the Microsoft monopoly is gone. It's a brave new product now, for brave new people, or at least those who want to shop for their stuff on a smartphone. If you're not one of them, screw you.

Firefox is migrating away from its core message, core functionality and core goodness, all the reasons that people started using it in the first place. Now, every new release, you must do more and more steps to maintain the basic efficiency and logic from the past, and it's getting harder and more convoluted all the time. Soon enough, you will be left with no choice but to enjoy your Chrome #2 the way Mozilla and Google intend. Just remember that the user comes last. It's money first, money second, and money everything, all the way down to the stinky bottom, where you, the poor little sane man, are waiting for a fresh drop of mercy turds.

Hypocrites. I hope you choke on your money grabbing mission.

Cheers.

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